Automobiles Designed by Famous Orchestra Conductors
by Jeffrey Sward
 
Automobile designed by Arturo Toscanini
The automobile is very fast and holds the land speed record in its class. The construction is extremely solid. Handling is very precise. View of the road is very clear. The interior is spartan but comfortable and functional. Even feature works perfectly. All trips are by the most direct route and extremely enjoyable. Unfortunately, the car was built in 1949 when the construction of cars was crude by current standards.
 
Automobile designed by Eugene Ormandy
The dashboard and interior trim are fine matched dark walnut. The seats are overstuffed with deep velour upholstery. Handling is very smooth but mushy. The car has a speed limiter and will always travel 10 mph slower than the posted speed limit.
 
Automobile designed by Leonard Bernstein
The exterior and interior design is incredibly original and garish. Flamboyant design touches are everywhere, such as eleven foot high fins. Most of the body work is covered with chrome. The finished car does not even resemble any kind of known automobile. Many regular controls, such as steering, are not present. The car does not actually move. It goes nowhere.
 
Automobile designed by Otto Klemperer
The automobile is extremely solidly built and weighs 12,000 pounds. Most of the parts are cast iron. The owner's manual is ten volumes. Each volume is 500 pages. Top speed is 5 mph. You always get to your destination, eventually.
 
Automobile designed by George Szell
Build quality is equal to a Swiss watch. Even detail is thoroughly designed and assembled. Proportions are perfect. Handling is perfect. However, when driving it is difficult to forget that the designer kept firing the assembly line workers after only a few hours of work. Assembly line worker turnover is 400% per automobile.
 
Automobile designed by Herbert von Karajan
All shapes in the body and interior are curves. There are no sharp angles anywhere. The ride is incredibly smooth. No bump is ever felt by any passenger. Driving the car is wonderful for the first five minutes. However, the driver soon realizes that all roads look and feel exactly the same. After the first five minutes, the car becomes extremely boring.
 
Automobile designed by Wilhelm Furtwängler
The design construction, quality, and handling of the automobile are all excellent. Upon entering the car, the driver will notice that there is no place to insert the key or start the ignition. Miraculously, the car starts running on its own for no apparent reason immediately after the driver enters. There is no steering wheel, brakes, or accelerator. However, the car always takes the correct route and obeys all traffic laws by some obtuse and mysterious process. The trip is always enjoyable. You always arrive at your destination on time by the correct route, but you are quite never sure how or why.
 
Automobile designed by Charles Munch
The appearance of the car is sleek and stylish. The exterior and interior colors are bright and cheerful. The fit and finish are terrible. The transmission is loose and sloppy. However, handling is brisk and precise. Acceleration is rapid. The car is generally travels faster than the posted speed limit. All trips are enjoyable despite any technical flaws.
 
 

All written content of this web site is solely the editorial opinion of Jeffrey Sward. All images, graphics, and written content of this web site, including the html files, are creative products covered by copyright law. All content copyright Jeffrey Sward 1975-2016. All rights reserved. No portion of this web site or its constituent elements may be reproduced in any form, by any means, without prior written permission. So there.